I watched “Leaving Neverland” the documentary with my 80 year mother. It was emotionally exhausting! We endured both Parts 1 & 2 in the same stretch of time. I couldn’t wait for Part 1 to end because it was painful to see the long term effects on the now men who were allegedly abused by Jackson. It was horrific to see and hear...Even for someone who specialized in work w/ survivors of sexual assault...where I have heard about the unthinkable sexual violence towards children...What I saw last night was absolutely crushing to witness but NOT unfortunately a surprise…

I believed the boys when they first disclosed the abuse over two decades ago! The years, the layers and layers of effort, manipulation and lies used by Jackson’s were absolutely sickening because HE USED HIS MEGA-STARDOM status to TO GROOM his obsessed child fans and their parents. His level of advantage was endless and he used this and struck parents to create constant access to boys. Some parents early on allowed their children alone with Jackson for an overnight in his bedroom! Grooming is process used to gain trust of everyone to give the molester access to the child. It is the same grooming template priests used to lure a child and his family into his trap. What came to mind when they talked about this is the movie, I remembered a scene in the movie Spotlight, where the reporters from the Boston Globe uncovered the sexual abuse in the Boston Diocese. One victim described a priest coming to his house was like God coming to visit. AND the priest knows that. My opinion about Michael Jackson during the initial allegations years ago was not popular even among some of the clinicians I worked with. I believed he did it. I felt because of Jackson’s complex history of severe child abuse and the pressures of child stardom, along with the pressures of the entertainment industry can produce a seriously dysfunctional, substance abuser. However, it does not necessarily mean they are a pedophile. Jackson also seemed to demonstrate a serious case of self hatred by continuously changing his face, hair and skin. We are talking major transitions. It was sad...However, his behavior could also be seen as someone who really just hates themselves and is giving kids something he did not have...And Jackson, he repeatedly used his lack of childhood to lure and manipulate both children and adults.

Jackson assumed a child like persona to lure the children to the point their parents would defend him that he was just weird because he was famous as a kid.... Then there was his Neverland ranch-which was just over the top in an obnoxious kind of way, taking his lack of childhood to a new level. Yet, this still did not make Jackson a pedophile. However, they were serious red flags when the allegations started. It just didn’t seem right. He took advantage of a child’s dream to be his friend! He added to that dream when he invited them to the ranch for a sleepover. The sleepovers in his bedroom to me was really inappropriate.. When I think of sleepover, it is in the family room, den or basement. Everyone sleeps in one room. You do not go to the adult’s room and sleep in his bed. AND those invited to Jackson’s sleepovers were always pre-pubescent boys. Years ago, I clearly remember that Jackson was shown with boys, skipping through Neverland holding their hands. He was never in public socializing with women or girls. Jackson took his attraction to prepubescent boy to a new level. For example, Jackson had a ongoing “relationships” that lasted years with at least two boys, now as adults admit they were abused by Jackson. Jackson communicated to his victims as though they were his peer: the way he expressed his feelings to the boys, stayed in touch, gave them work on his tour, wanted to sleep over their homes...It was a part of grooming both the children and their parents. Jackson became obsessed with boys. He would send faxes to one of the boys, he molested for seven years so many one day that they covered the floor with repeated messages like I LOVE YOU and the use of a pet name Jackson gave him, “Little One.”

Then, Jackson invited a boy with cancer to Neverland via Make a Wish Foundation. I remember the sick, bald boy in a yellow shirt and when I saw him on the movie, it turned my stomach. He was one of the boys who sued Jackson claiming he too, had been molested at the Neverland Ranch. It doesn’t get much worse then grooming the Make a Wish Foundation, a child with cancer and his mother...This is beyond horrific!

Then, when Jackson was investigated for the allegations, the police found the secret doors in his home, a book of naked boys and testimony from his maid she found Jackson showering with the boys. I remember the cover of the book had a naked boy from the back standing on his tippy toes. This was still not enough for the public to begin to digest that the mega star did it! Jackson’s desperation to hide the molester in him reached new heights with marriage to Lisa Marie Presley. I said it was an act to get the public to believe he was a straight male…The two victims in the film testified that Jackson told them he was going to have to marry a woman to keep from anyone finding out...ughhhh...

I think the strength shown by the two men who were abused as children by Jackson were absolutely incredible! They went really deep into details that must have been so hard to share with the world. And there is a price for EVERY sexual assault survivor who is willing to go public. Even today, these men are subjected to evil judgements and death threats. The graphic description of what occured sexually was horrific! They both repeated things that were so hard to say. Things like, “Michael taught me how to masterbate,” or “He tongue kissed me in the shower.” Or “He tried to have anal sex with me.” Or “He had me spread my butt cheeks open so he could masterbate.” Some of the details they shared were verbatim. One of them also recalled each room at Neverland Ranch he had been sexually abused in.

The parents were groomed, they were seriously manipulated by Jackson’s calls made directly to them, making them believe he trusted them, was so lonely and NEEDED their friendships. He spent hours on the phone w/ the parents to gain the access he needed to molest their boys. He initated sleepovers their homes and they allowed it. It was all part of his ploy to gain long term access to these boys...

The manipulation and planning Jackson did was monumentally dysfunctional and sickening… I will share that as an adult I was groomed by a man who was a molester. I met him through his wife who I was friends with for a brief time. It would have never crossed my mind that he was sexually abusing his grandchildren. He was funny, charismatic and took my side especially when his wife was really mean to me. When I was told he sexually abused his grandchildren, I was devastated. I ran the times, I spent with all of them, over and over in my mind. I wanted to see if now I would have caught something suspicious. One thing is for sure-I BELIEVED THE KIDS!

This molester was left alone repeatedly with his grandchildren. I drove away from his house with his wife in the car and the two grandchildren he was accused of molesting were left with him for days, alone! When that memory clicked, I went into a tailspin..I was horrified and permanently traumatized! It took me three years to admit it to myself that he really was what he was and he groomed me...and that’s when I finally had an emotional breakdown...I felt so guilty for leaving the children alone in the house with him...This is a testimony of how the reality of sexual abuse can take years to process for an adult WHO WAS GROOMED not abused and had a professional background to understand what the hell happened...But this was not about my job, it was about my heart! It devastated me...it still does... He pled guilty to sexual contact with a minor and his wife is still with him... Seeing the movie, stirred up this terrible experience of mine! I felt sick and slept a lot the next day. I can’t seem to shake it. I am sure it has stirred up a lot of trauma for thousands of others that saw the movie.

Even for someone that still believes Jackson is innocent, can be triggered by the in depth graphic descriptions by the victims. As shown in the movie, it is clear how sexual abuse of children forever changes a child! It ruins their lives. It has broken their spirits! They can end up so confused about their own sexuality and how to have functional relationships.

Most keep it a secret because it is too much for a little spirit to process what is happening or happened. For these young men, it had to be so hard to share this with the world such graphic details about the years of sexual abuse at the hands of Michael Jackson!

I am so moved by their stories! I hope now they can now move forward, do their best to heal and be the men they so deserve to be! Thank you! Wade & James-for your courageous strength to share your truth with the world! ~ It is NEVER too late to tell someone-you were molested, sexually assaulted or raped! Write it down, shred it & burn it in a dish! Scream it, underwater or while in the car! Tell your bestie! Tell another survivor! Get it out! Call the national hotline at 800-656-4673 or contact someone at their site: www.rainn.org to chat & get info!

Tara Pretends Eagle Weber is a citizen of the Standing Rock Tribe & a social worker who has specialized in advocacy, direct service with sexual assault victims & their families for almost three decades. She was the Administrator for the The Violence Against Women Act (VAWA) Ohio Rape Prevention Program and a certified law enforcement trainer in sexual assault investigation by The National Center for Women and Policing. Weber was hired by the Tucson Rape Crisis Center to train the Tohono O'odham Police Dept. at age 25 which at the time, she was one of the few Native American women in the country doing this specialized work. Weber is also a social justice publicist for Native issues, women’s issues and for missing and murdered Indigenous women on an international level. She also writes a blog: www.lakotawomansvoice.com . She is an alumni of Bowling Green State University where as a student she started a support group for victims of sexual assault for students in 1990 which lead to working with campus police on this issue!

Tara Pretends Eagle Weber: A Voice of Advocacy, Hope, and Healing

Published in The Good Men Project on October 5, 2014

by Anthony Goulet 

 – Most people have heard the names Amanda Berry, Georgina DeJesus and Michelle Knight. The three girls who were abducted in Cleveland, Ohio and found ten years later. However, most haven’t heard the name Tara Pretends Eagle Weber who was the ferocious advocate behind the scenes for these girls while they were missing. Tara spent countless hours supporting the families of the girls, organizing vigils, and working with media outlets to ensure the names and faces of the girls were not forgotten. She is someone who never gives up hope. Tara-Welcome Home Recently I had the opportunity to sit down with Tara Pretends Eagle Weber. She reluctantly gave me an opportunity to interview her. Her reluctance was because she isn’t as comfortable receiving the spotlight as she is giving the spotlight, which is why she is such a special person. Her life work as a social worker, advocate, journalist, writer, and publicist is shining the spotlight on the important work others are doing. I am grateful she has given me the opportunity to shine the spotlight on her and the work she has done for over twenty years to introduce her to you through the Good Men Project.

Tara Pretends Eagle Weber is a Native American woman from the Hunkpapa band of the great Lakota nation. She is a direct descendant of Chief Joseph Gall the leader at the Battle of Little Big Horn, Chief Sitting Bull, and the great-granddaughter of theCongressional Medal Honoree and Code Talker, Joseph Pretends Eagle Jr. Tara is the daughter of Al and Rose Weber. Tara remains true to the Creator and her ancestors, carrying the timeless Lakota virtues of courage, wisdom, fortitude, humility and charity. I first met Tara in 2002 at American Indian Health and Family Services in Detroit, MI. With her baby in her arms, she supported the community in the healing that all participants were there seeking for themselves and their families. That is how I have always known her, holding her own child, raising him, dealing with her own serious struggles, yet still having enough strength to willingly carry the pain and struggles of a community on her back. Doing all this work is impressive enough, yet when I found out that she was doing this work while struggling with the debilitating and possibly deadly effects of Lyme disease, I was in awe.

Anthony Goulet: First off, thank you so much for doing this interview with me for the Good Men Project.

Tara Pretends Eagle Weber: Thank you for asking to interview me. I am humbled and very honored. It is an unusual position for me to be in. Usually, as you know, I am the one asking the questions. I am happy to have been chosen to be included in a publication that brings such a positive message, especially to men.

Anthony Goulet: You come from a long line of chiefs, warriors and activists. Is this an integral part of the work you do and the path of service you have walked for more than two decades?

Tara Pretends Eagle Weber: Yes, I feel it’s in my blood to fight and survive. These strengths are at the core of my existence. I feel it’s only natural to fight like no other for what is right. I feel my work for the last 23 years has been to honor the great sacrifices my Lakota ancestors made for me. I feel a special connection to my ancestors as I often feel their special strength and understanding to keep fighting when others find excuses to stop fighting. I just keep standing up for what is right and for those who, for whatever reason, cannot fight on the front lines with me. In my situation, it shows the great strength of genetics as I was adopted out of my tribe at birth and did not know the details of my heritage and ancestors until I was thirty-three years old. Yet, I fought and fought and never gave up, just like my ancestors, despite not knowing where or who I came from. It is quite remarkable how much my fight is just like theirs. It makes me so proud to know where I come from and to have developed an understanding as to why I fight the way I do.

Anthony Goulet: Was there any particular event or moment that inspired you to spend your life advocating and working for others? If you see it as a calling, do you remember when you felt called to serve others the way you have done for so many years? 

Tara Pretends Eagle Weber: I followed in the footsteps of my adopted mother, Rose and became a social worker just like her. I always felt good about helping others even as a child. I think becoming a victim of a violent crime as a teenager and the hard healing journey it was for me as a survivor definitely inspired me to help others. I saw from my own experience how you can heal and have a wonderful life if you are given the proper healing tools. I wanted to be a part of others’ healing and fight for justice from a very young age. My passion to help others heal and see that they are treated with respect from the system comes from my heart. At a young age I learned to go with what my heart tells me, because only then I knew what I was doing was right for me. Anthony Goulet: Can you share a little about where your passion comes from? Where does your strength to put your own serious struggles aside to serve others come from?

Tara Pretends Eagle Weber: I saw very early on in my career, right out of college the big effect my work had on people who were struggling with the horrors of victimization. I saw how it affected their family members and loved ones, and felt it was important to reach out to them as well. I felt the deep interpersonal connection with my clients, so this developed a special bond and trust with these initial strangers. They trusted me to help guide their broken spirits because they did not know what to do. That connection is what works. Their feedback of hugs, tears of gratitude, gifts, poems and staying in touch showed me how important I was to them. I saw the beauty of healing the heart after being so wounded. It did not happen with everyone but when it did it was a wonderful thing to experience. I was blessed because I was good at my passion which happened to be my career. That is not always the case. So, I went with it because it not only helped others but it helped me, especially when I had my own times of agony, struggle and horrific pain. I was blessed to learn from my Lakota elder that when we need something in order to live, such as a medicine and we are not able to get what we need to save ourselves, we have to fight like we know we will get what we need. Until you can get your own medicine you must help others fight for someone else who needs medicine. If you help save someone else’s life, your life will be saved. He was right. This is my truth. I did what I could to help others who were dying or had a broken spirit while my son and I were literally dying from a deadly disease and could not get the medicine we needed to live. Sometimes it was agonizing, but my tunnel vision allowed me to believe that I would, in the end, get the medicine we needed to live. And we did received the proper medicines we needed to live and restore our quality of life. There have been many times in the last fifteen years where I did put my own pain aside to help others. My strong belief in my Lakota ways and unconditional support from my parents somehow always gave me the strength to help others, even when I was literally dying. It may sound crazy, but you can still change the world, even if death is knocking at your and your child’s door. Tara and her son

Anthony Goulet: How do you always seem to find a way to carry hope, even when many others around you seem to have lost hope? Tara Pretends Eagle Weber: The best thing about hope is that it belongs to you. So no one has the right to take it away. Often times a powerful person in the system or a medical doctor may try to shed you of your hope, but it is not theirs to shed. It’s yours to do with what you want. Hope is a powerful medicine. It brings you strength and love when others have lost theirs. It motivates you to do things you probably would have never risked until the unthinkable tragedy entered your life. When my son and I were literally dying, I never lost hope. I never let myself believe for one second that we were going to die. It was not an option for my mind. I had to know I would find the medicine to save our lives. No matter how many doors slammed in my face, unreturned phone calls, or how many times a doctor verbally abused me or belittled me when I advocated for our lives, I refused to let that negative behavior take my hope away. Sometimes hope is all you have. Always remember, hope is yours and only yours!

Anthony Goulet: What would you say to those people who have lost hope and think that there is nothing they can do to make a difference?

Tara Pretends Eagle Weber: I would ask them to reflect back on a time when they did have hope. I would ask them about that situation and how hope helped them. I would ask what has caused them to lose that hope. Often times there is a valid reason for the loss of hope. I would encourage them to believe in it because hope can give you great strength that often times we are unaware is even there. Hope can also be a great protector from unbearable pain. Some often choose hope when they know the real answer, but if it helps one survive, it’s their choice. With or without hope, one can always make a difference in the world. They just need to take care of themselves and give themselves time to heal and reflect.

Anthony Goulet: Have there been any moments in your work where you felt alone and what did you do when that happens?

Tara Pretends Eagle Weber: I have felt alone many times in my work. I took that time to complain to a dear friend, my mom or colleague about it. If someone was not available, I would write in a journal about it. I try to clear my head by exercising and doing something that I enjoy. Now, I attend Inipi, a traditional Lakota purification ceremony to pray and support others.

Anthony Goulet: Do you have any words of encouragement for people who are doing the important work, yet are going through a period of feeling alone?

Tara Pretends Eagle Weber: You have to have healthy outlets when you are alone because it can be very painful to be isolated, especially when you are right. It’s important to know your limits so that it does not manifest into depression or isolation outside of your work. Remind yourself of why you are doing the work to begin with. Probably, to help others make a difference in the world. Even when you are alone, someone still needs you. Reach out and help someone that you know you can, they are just an email or phone call away. Never give up!

Anthony Goulet: Can you please share what some of your greatest moments of fulfillment for others and for yourself have been?

Tara Pretends Eagle Weber: One of the greatest moments of fulfillment for myself was getting the medicines and support to save my son and I from dying from Lyme disease. To experience getting our quality of life back is a miracle that we enjoy daily. The tribe of support it took to achieve this includes unconditional love from my parents, dear friends, doctors, Advanced Cell Training, traditional Lakota ways and ceremonies. Feeling the never ending love and support is one of the greatest experiences of my life. The greatest moments of fulfillment for others was to experience Amanda Berry and Gina DeJesus returning home after being in captivity for over a decade. It was one of the greatest experiences of my life. Experiencing this miracle along with the rest of the world has been truly remarkable. I am very proud for never giving up and believing all along that they were alive. Never giving up or letting the world forget about them is something I am very proud of and always will be.

Anthony Goulet: How has your work impacted your son?

Tara Pretends Eagle Weber: My son Ranson grew up going to Amanda and Gina’s homes and events I coordinated. He would dream that they were still alive at the age of eight years old. He is strong, sensitive and learned young how to fight for his life. He saw his mother fighting for his life and understands in a unique way why his mother will fight for others. He has a keen eye for injustice and it looks as though he may be another one who will fight to change the world as a young Lakota man.

Anthony Goulet: Since you are raising a boy into manhood, what is a good man?

Tara Pretends Eagle Weber: A good man has a big heart. He has respect for women, the givers of life. He helps others and likes to make a difference in the world. He is there for his family at all times, whether near or far. A good man sacrifices for his children and wife. He would do anything for them and to save them from harm’s way. A good man is a protector of humanity.

Anthony Goulet: As a single mother raising your son, do you have anything you would like to share about the importance of the presence of a father in their child’s life?

Tara Pretends Eagle Weber: It makes all the difference. A mother cannot be a father, no matter how hard she tries. No matter how good life is for a child when a father is absent, the child will always long for his father. I had to understand that my son was going through the grief of not having his father in his life. I take that very seriously and understand the depression and void it causes. I provide a lot of support and take him to traditional ceremonies to help him with the grief, pain and healing.

Anthony Goulet: As a Native American woman do you have anything that you think men in our society should know, think about or consider in terms of how we view ourselves and how we view women?

Tara Pretends Eagle Weber: If we all went back to the basic belief that women are the bearers of life it would give all women and girls basic human respect. This has been lost. That is why the Lakota/Native American way of life needs to return full circle because all our nations hold this strong belief. Without the basic respect of women and girls we have become lost and broken.

Anthony Goulet: What more can men do to assist in the work of advocating for and preventing the exploitation and abduction of girls and women?

Tara Pretends Eagle Weber: Stand beside the families and advocates that are in the trenches fighting for the rights of women and girls. Men have such a powerful presence and voice. In many situations a man’s presence has a powerful effect on the response you will get from society, even when they have not said a word.

To contact Tara Pretends Eagle Weber for consultations or speaking engagements please write to her at children_warriors@yahoo.com

Just after boyfriend left, Aisha was killed. Listen to him state her community did not support her! www.wkyc.com/article/news/local/cleveland/exclusive-boyfriend-of-aisha-fraser-tells-wkyc-she-was-a-gift-and-to-me-the-love-of-my-life/95-616005898  

www.wkyc.com/article/news/investigations/mayor-frank-jackson-defends-hiring-of-lance-mason-refuses-to-apologize/95-616008058

PROOF that every vote counts!

Election Day: My 15 hour day working at the voting precint- On election day, I was worked the polls as an Inspector, one who had 4 hours of training and quite frankly bare too much responsibility. As we are the ones that need to verify that their signature match on their ID & when they sign-in to vote at the precinct. Especially, when it comes down to a close race, or even a recount. The signatures make a ballot, official. Which is what is happening here in Florida with our governor, US Senator & agriculture commissioner. (The recount is a blog of its own)

My day started at 5 AM, I was sleeping with one eye open all night because I was afraid I would not wake up in time. LOL At 6:10 AM, the precinct clerk, my boss for the day, texted me to make sure I was coming because they NEEDED me. The reason being-there were only 3 of us, for the entire day signing people in.

At times, I would look over to my fellow comrades and they were not there for whatever reason. Lol Meaning I was doing all the sign ins alone...LOL Had I known the line went out the door, down and around the building, I probably would have freaked out. LMAO However, these people were patient. No one complained about the wait! I think that is quite amazing. They wanted to vote! I was afraid all day of someone getting upset about whatever reasons and getting out of control. Then being alone when it happened...at my table. Luckily, we had the clerk, our boss. Any problem, he got. Especially when the one man was very angry about some information I gave him. When I told him to speak to the man in the yellow shirt, he looked at me with evil eyes. Whatever was or wasn’t his problem at that moment, I was not going to be in the mix, because something had him enraged before he even got there...It is nice to have men around who solve problems in ways women sometimes cannot...

I was assigned a precinct that was mostly minority, Haitian, African Americans & Hispanics. I worked for 15 hours straight and checked in about 400 or so people. A handful were white. It felt good to see so many shade of brown and black standing in line to vote! I loved seeing that!!!! It healed my heart in a way to see what I witnessed. These folks were from all walks of life. I handled the people who were disabled, my first voter could not read. He swallowed his pride and asked for a reader. The woman snapped that he should have brought one himself and she could not help him. WHAT???? I put my hand up at her to stop and she did. I told the man I would help him. We sat down and I read him the entire ballot, including the amendments. He knew who he wanted to vote for… Soon after this man left, there were two deaf women. The were so frustrated and directed to me :) One of the ladies lost her patience because no one could communicate effective with her. She slammed her hand on the table and it was loud. I felt her pain. Ughhhh. But yet, at the same time wanted to scream GO GIRL! Because she was going to vote no matter who understood her and she did! :)

I was also the bearer of bad news after they had waited in line. With the rezoning of the precincts, the voting locations changed. People were frustrated, as some had already been redirected already. Some had walked and knew they would not have time to get there by the time the polls closed.

It truly inspired me to see so many brown and black faces voting. Some were homeless, some were struggling with addiction, others had raced from work and apologized for being dirty when they handed me their ID. I told them, it is so important that we vote! Who would have thought, a week later, the results are still not in for several races.

PROOF that every vote counts!

While the US Government continues to attempt to divide the sexes, I have been very curious to see how the men were reacting. I needed to see them fighting for women. Fighting that they believe us when we say we have been sexually violated. It never gets old seeing men screaming for the rights of women! I admire the men who have stood alongside of women. I have been blessed to have some wonderful, amazing men stand beside me, my entire life! Including in my work with victims of crime and their families, men also stood beside me! 

As I went through the news, I saw a video that showed men standing strong in support of women and saying that women needed to be believed! I liked that! Then another video was of several male celebrities voicing their support of women and saying they believe them when they disclose rape! YAY! I love it when celebrities use their audience to say great things!!!! Then finally, I caught the tail end of a video which showed men in suits going to jail. They were being arrested in front of the US Supreme Court. I later told my mom about it. I thought it had to be a good thing! I was definitely intrigued. So the next morning, I saw the entire video which showed men-in array of skin colors wearing suits. There was even a pastor who wore a red suit.

They all stood with their arms interlocked blocking the street in front of the US Supreme Court, shouting, “BELIEVE WOMEN!” “WE WANT JUSTICE NOW!” “WE STAND WITH OUR SISTERS! MOTHERS! DAUGHTERS!”

They were warned several times they were going to be arrested and then they were. Yes, there should have been more men but there weren’t. But there was a group of men that did go to jail because not only do they believe Dr. Ford-THEY BELIEVE YOU! THEY BELIEVE ME!

These men helped begin the healing! They showed us, they respected women. They want the violence to stop! They felt so strongly that women should be believed and heard when they have been raped-that they, the men in suits went to jail that day...For you & me...For all of us!